You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
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Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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