i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
