i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
