the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
