So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
