I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
