How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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