Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
