Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
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I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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