well you can't waste a boner
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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