Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I hope mine doesn't look like that
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
