The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
