R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
