I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
even my farts smell like vagina
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
