This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
