last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
