Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
