Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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