Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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