sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
