I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The power of my boobs compel you
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
