i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
