My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
