you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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