You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
