no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You ate ashes out of my bong
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
