so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
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the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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