Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
