I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
