guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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