If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Why is there bacon in the couch?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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