Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
