dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
