the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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