I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
