she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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