everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
