is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
