happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
do herpes really smell.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
