I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
