did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
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She tied me up with her honor cords...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
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Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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