my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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