also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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