I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
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Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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