just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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