she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
3pm strippers are depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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