a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize