My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i've created a new STD.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
