we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
