No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
