can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize