I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
