and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
