So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
