Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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