I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
