Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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