I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
