ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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