no, he came in my armpit
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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