There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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