chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
