My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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