Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
