she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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