If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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