im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
