I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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